Navigating "The Ick": What It Teaches Us About Ourselves

Today, I want to share a recent conversation I had with my teenage daughter that sparked some valuable insights. It’s not always easy navigating the complexities of relationships—whether with friends, family, or colleagues—but sometimes, it’s in these very moments that we uncover truths about ourselves.

During our chat, my daughter mentioned a friend who had ended a relationship because the person gave her "the ick." For those unfamiliar with the term, "the ick" refers to that feeling of sudden irritation, discomfort, or even repulsion that arises when someone exhibits a behavior or trait that doesn’t sit well with you. It’s often a small, seemingly insignificant action, but it can make all the difference in how we perceive a person.

As I listened to her, I thought about how this "ick" feeling applies not just in personal relationships but in professional ones too. We’ve all encountered someone whose behavior sets off an internal alarm bell—whether it’s chewing loudly, interrupting during conversations, or anything else that leaves us unsettled. But rather than immediately pointing the finger at the other person, I began to wonder: What can we do when we experience "the ick"? More importantly, why does it happen in the first place?

The Truth Behind "The Ick"

What I realized is that when someone gives us "the ick," it often says more about us than it does about them. These moments aren’t just about a person's behavior—they're about how we react to it. It's a mirror reflecting our own preferences, boundaries, and values.

Take my own personal "ick" moment, for example. For me, nothing gets under my skin quite like hearing people chew loudly—especially when they’re chewing gum. It’s an annoying behavior that leaves me feeling irritated, and in some cases, even repulsed. But why? What is it about that specific action that triggers such a strong reaction in me?

The truth is, these triggers are deeply personal. They might relate to something from our past, a need for order, or a desire for respect in a given moment. The key is not to point fingers at the person exhibiting the behavior but to pause, reflect, and understand why we are reacting the way we are.

Three Steps to Navigate "The Ick"

So, what can we do in those moments when we feel "the ick"? How can we handle these feelings without letting them negatively impact our relationships? Here are three steps that can help you manage your reaction and grow from the experience.

1. Become Aware of It

   
   The first step is acknowledging that this is your issue to navigate, not something the other person needs to fix. It's easy to feel frustrated or even angry at the person who triggered your discomfort, but the reality is that your reaction is about your boundaries, preferences, and perceptions. Own it as your reaction and recognize that it's about you, not them.

2. Find a Supportive Action

   
   Once you recognize that the "ick" is a personal reaction, the next step is to find a way to manage it constructively. This could mean removing yourself from the situation, going for a walk, or simply taking a moment to breathe before reacting. The goal is to handle your discomfort without attacking or blaming the other person. You don’t have to escalate the situation—you just need to create space for yourself to process the feeling.

3. Learn from It

   
   The final step is reflecting on why that particular behavior triggered such a strong reaction in you. Did it remind you of something from your past? Did it violate a boundary or expectation you hold? This is an opportunity to understand yourself better and learn from the experience. It’s okay to feel irritated, but it's important to manage your reaction in a way that is constructive and supportive of your personal growth.

It’s important to remember that everyone has their own "ick" moments. We are all human, and each of us is unique in how we respond to different behaviors. What might bother you may not affect someone else in the same way. The more we embrace these moments as opportunities for self-discovery, the better equipped we become to handle them with grace and understanding.

The next time you feel "the ick," try following these three steps: become aware, find a supportive action, and learn from it. These steps will help you not only manage your reactions but also build stronger, more empathetic relationships. By recognizing our own triggers and learning to navigate them, we can all become better communicators, friends, partners, and colleagues.

The key takeaway here is that understanding ourselves better—especially in the moments that make us uncomfortable—helps us build deeper connections with others. Instead of jumping to conclusions or letting irritation take over, we can pause, reflect, and approach situations with a more open heart.

Remember, we are all in this together. By navigating "the ick" with awareness, empathy, and patience, we can cultivate relationships that are stronger and more resilient.

So the next time you feel that familiar sense of discomfort, take a deep breath and ask yourself: What can I learn from this?

I’m Krista Ryan

My job is to help you learn a little, laugh a lot, and get clear on action steps for your success.

It may have taken a life changing event to shake me awake and decide I no longer wanted to live a comfortable life… I wanted to embrace the discomfort and live a life of courage and intention.

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